Is He My Forever?
by SoapNanny
Summary: Futuristic Jolu One Shot...Super Angsty :


This is Jolu in the future…Their past relationships are same as the show, this is just fast forward a couple years

Lulu's POV

I miss my husband.

I miss him so much and I have no idea if I'll ever get him back.  
>As I sit here in our beautiful home feeding our 5 month old baby boy his bottle before bed, I can't help but cry knowing Johnny won't be walking through the door to say goodnight to him.<p>

When Alex was born we both thought this was our chance to really be happy for the first time in both of our lives. We had gotten past all of the hurt we'd done to each other, and realized the relationships we both jumped into after our breakup four years ago were huge mistakes. Finding our way back to each other had been the best experience of my life and I thought Johnny felt the same way too, but obviously I was wrong.

Ring...Ring...Ring...

Hearing the phone ring I quickly sat the bottle on the end table and put my sleeping baby in his crib before running down the stairs to see who it was.  
>When I saw Johnny's name flash on the screen, my heart skipped a beat. God I love that man...<br>"Hello."  
>"Hey Lulu, is Alex in bed?" He sounded weird.<p>

"Yeah, I just put him down...why? Did you need something?" I asked him hoping he wanted to come see me.

It had been four days since I'd seen him and that was only for five minutes while he was dropping Alex back off to me. We hadn't been in the same house for longer than ten minutes in two months. I was longing for time with the only man I will ever love, but he didn't want that.

"No, I actually wanted to see if you could keep him this weekend…I have plans to go out of town and I can't switch the days." He said coldly.

I couldn't breathe. This was is it really is over with us. He has plans to go out of town and he and I both knew that John Zacchara would never travel alone, he'd get too bored.

He has to have another woman already.

"Johnny, are you ever coming back to me? Have you punished me long enough? I miss you so much." I ask with fear in my voice.

"This isn't about punishing you Lulu. You made your choice when I asked you to respect my wishes and I can't live with the choice you made." I start crying when I hear this.

"Johnny please don't do this. I told you that I stopped talking to Dante. I may have been upset when you ordered me to not be around him, but baby you are what's important to me. I never did anything with him, and deep down you know that's true." I said very slowly so I wouldn't burst into tears.

"I'm not getting into this right now Lu, I'm on my way to Abby's and I don't want to be all pissed when I get there. Let me know if keeping Alex this weekend is a problem for you. I could always ask Ethan to babysit." He said with no emotion in his voice.

"I can't believe this is happening Johnny. You don't belong at Abby's; you belong here with your family. That IS what we are you know. We are your family, waiting for you to return to your HOME!" I start to scream into the phone and then I hung up and threw it across the room.

I lean back into the couch and start to sob uncontrollably. I just want my husband back, I want my life back.

I guess I fell asleep crying on the couch because the next thing I heard was the jingle of keys and the front door opening. The house was pitched black, so I was a little startled to see the door open.

I stood up and said Hello, trying to figure out who it was. I knew it wasn't an intruder because they used a key.

"Well...Hello, to your Hello! Are you g-g-gonna yell at me again? *hiccup*" Johnny was completely wasted.

He stumbled into the house, slammed the door and tried to make his way to the couch, bumping into tables as he went.

"What the hell is your problem...why are you so drunk?" I ask.

"Be-because I love you. I love you and you pissed me off, so I fought back the best way I knew how. I left you. You are always afraid of people leaving, so I left." He got this out before trying to make eye contact with me.

"Well you've been a giant asshole to me John. I may have made a mistake when I was hanging out with my ex, BUT he was only a friend and YOU are the one I'm married to. We could've worked this out with a conversation, but no you didn't want to do that." I said as I went over to the entertainment center to make sure the baby monitor was turned on.

"I thought you'd come after me, but you didn't. You just let me go, and days turned into weeks and still nothing." He was totally pouting and I wanted to kick him.

"Johnny, are you kidding me right now? I had a newborn baby to take care of. My husband who was all excited to be a daddy took off and I was left alone with this little thing I had to love and care for all by myself." I sat next to him on the couch.

"Lulu, I don't want to be drunk! I don't want to go hang out with Abby! I don't want to sleep in a room above Kelly's anymore…I want to come home!" He leaned towards me to kiss my lips but I moved my head.

"We're not doing this tonight. If we kiss or anything else and then you wake up sober in the morning and regret it, it'll kill me. I'll help you to the guest room and after some sleep we'll talk in the morning." I say as I stand up and go upstairs.

When I go into the guest room to make sure he has everything he needs, I feel him standing behind me.

"God, you're so beautiful. I want you so bad right now Lu." He whispers in a low voice.

I turn to face him and look straight into his glazed over eyes and admit, "I always want you Johnny, and always will. You need to think about it when you're sober and figure out if that's how you feel too." I brush past him and go into our bedroom.

I get into the shower to calm down before bed and that plan backfires. Tears rack my body and I can't stop sobbing.

All of this was happening just because Dante and I had decided to be friends. We both knew that we'd always care for each other but were better off as friends. It had been a year after our final breakup when Johnny and I decided that we couldn't be apart any longer and six months later we were married. The fact that Dante and I remained friends had never bothered Johnny, or he just never showed that it did. So in being friends, Dante and I were hanging out that day.

In all my years of knowing and being involved with Johnny he had never been jealous, of course that was until he saw Me, Dante and baby Alex at the diner having lunch that fateful day two months ago.

I was sitting there talking and eating while Dante held my baby, telling him silly stories about me when Johnny came in and started to become unglued.  
>"What the hell is this? Why are you holding my baby Dante? Get your paws off of my kid!" He screamed, causing Alex to cry because of how loud he was being.<p>

"Johnny, stop! You need to calm down; Dante and I are just having lunch. It's no big deal!" I say as I took Alex from Dante's arms and tried to comfort him so he'd stop crying. Everyone at Kelly's was already staring at us.

"Lulu, I'm just gonna leave. Have a good day and thank you for meeting me." Dante said and he tried to get up but was met with Johnny's fist to his face.

"JOHNNY! What the hell are you doing! Leave him alone!" I scream as I put Alex into his carrier and go to Dante to help him up.

"Stay the hell away from my family, Dante." Johnny said with such anger.

Dante stood up and looked Johnny square in the eyes and smiled while saying "It's okay Lu, Johnny just knows how hot our connection will always be and he's threatened that you and your baby like spending time with me!" His eyes sparkled in Johnny's face with competition.

Johnny's face was so contorted with anger he couldn't even speak.

I got in between them and said goodbye to Dante. I grabbed Alex's car seat and tried to push Johnny out the door, deciding that we obviously needed to talk.

We got outside and Johnny just went off.

"Why would you do that to me Lulu? You're supposed to be MY wife! Dante knows you still have feelings for him and you're basically parading your friendship with him in front of me! WHY? Aren't I a good enough husband! Why does Alex need to spend time with him, this is MY baby Lulu, not his. But I bet you probably wish he WAS Dante's don't you?" He said with his finger flying in my face and completely pissing me off.

"You know what Johnny? You are completely filled with bull shit right now. You know I don't hide anything from you. You know Dante and I hangout, and you ALSO know that I would never do anything to fuck up our family so I don't know why you're so mad. You can stand here and fling accusations at me and go ahead and smack me with more insults, but just remember who I chose to live my life with." I grab the car seat and start to walk away when Johnny grabbed my arm and said in a very calm voice, "You either stop talking to Dante or there won't be a family to mess up anymore! He's got an agenda Lulu, and I love you. I don't want you to be hurt and I REALLY don't want our family to be ripped apart because of him."

Half not believing him and half not knowing what else to say, I just walked away.  
>Little did I know that would lead to two months of hell. Two months of not having my husband in my life, two months of wishing I could take back my reaction and not to mention two months of suddenly not having an extra friend to do things with. Life got suddenly boring.<p>

During this time away from Johnny, I realized that if I wanted my marriage to work then I needed to cut Dante out of my life completely to show Johnny that I understood and respected his feelings.  
>That didn't seem to matter to Johnny though; I had already messed up and betrayed him in his eyes. The fact that I didn't proclaim to him right there in that minute that Dante was nothing to me was I guess a deal breaker to him. He didn't seem to care at all...not until tonight I.<p>

I got out of the shower, put on one of Johnny's old t-shirts and sweatpants and climbed into our bed.

I had fallen asleep instantly and woke up two hours later to my baby crying. Knowing that he would want a bottle, I immediately went downstairs to the kitchen but when I got there I saw the formula already out on the counter.

My curiosity got the better of me so I went to the nursery. A smile spread across my face when I saw Johnny in the rocking chair feeding our son and whispering sweet words in his ears.

"I love you baby boy, you and momma are my world. I know I haven't been around much lately, but I'm going to fix that because I miss you two so much. My life is nothing without my loves in my life every day." He kissed Alex on the forehead.

"Hey" I said letting him know I was there.

"Hi, he was crying so I made him a bottle I hope you don't mind." He said while looking to the floor.

"Johnny, you're his dad. You can do whatever you want with him." I said with a sad smile on my face.

He looked up and smiled at me.  
>God I love that smile.<p>

"Thanks for taking care of me tonight Lu, I was a mess. But I remember everything we said and you need to know that I am sorry. I'm sorry for everything Lulu. I should've never left you like I did." He said with tears in his eyes.

Alex finished his bottle and let out a big burp in his sleep. Johnny smiled at him and put him back in his crib.

He grabbed my hand and led me out in the hall.

"Can we talk please? I don't want to wait til it's light out. I know I'm still buzzed but I know that my feelings won't change in another couple of hours." He said while stroking the side of my face.

"Johnny, why did you freak out so bad in the diner? I wasn't doing anything wrong and you caused us so much unnecessary pain, I don't get it." I said as I stared into his chocolate eyes.

"I don't really know Lu. I mean I saw Dante holding our baby and you guys were both so happy and laughing. I felt like I was being replaced, yet I there with a front row seat. I didn't really have an excuse to act the way I did except for the face that I was scared Lulu. You and Alex are everything to me, and seeing you both so close to Dante made me freak out thinking that you'd eventually realize that you're better than me and go back to him." He said honestly.

After all these years, Johnny still didn't get it.

"I don't know how to make you finally believe that YOU are my everything Johnny Zacchara. YOU are the one I went back to because I realized that you are the only one in this world that can make me happy...forever. I love you so much that when you said you were going out of town this weekend I freaked out because I was certain that you were taking another woman with you and the thought of that made me want to die. You are meant to be mine, not anyone else's!" I said with a tear escaping down my cheek.

"I never said I was going with anyone. I would never do that, sure I was talking to Abby and we hung out a few times but I never even kissed her because you are the one that I love, Mrs. Zacchara." He leaned in and kissed my forehead.

I smiled up at him and hugged him tight.

"I love you so much baby, never leave me again please. If I upset you with something, talk to me. Tell me what's bothering you and we'll work at it together. We can't lose you Johnny, Alex and I need you too much, we need you every day of our lives...forever." He nodded and then took my hand to lead us both to our bedroom.

He proceeded to show me just how much he had missed me in the last two months.

When our two bodies became one, my husband whispered into my ear "I love you Lesley Lu Zacchara...forever!"

I got him back, and this time it'll be forever.


End file.
